December 2024 with Sarah Weiler of Knowing When To Quit and The Quitting Quadrant
Sarah Weiler is a coach, a facilitator, a musician, a podcaster, and much more! She describes herself as a “carouseller”, or someone who is “all about honouring and focusing on the things that feel alive” for her. In December 2024, one of the things that made our community feel alive was being joined by Sarah to learn more about the fantastic work she is doing helping people think through frustration, persistence, quitting, and crafting all sorts of beautiful endings.
As usual, the 90-minute session positively flew by! Here are a few of the things that we discussed.
Endings and Emotion
Sarah began by discussing her earliest memories of quitting, dating back to her childhood. When the adults around her could see her, acknowledge her feelings, and affirm her decision to step away from an activity that was no longer serving her, it helped her develop a healthy attitude toward quitting. Oftentimes, we fail to realize that so much of the shame and negative emotion attached to quitting is rooted in what we were told and how adults pushed us too hard in our childhood. Healthy communication about closure can not start too early.
Look To The Leaves
Later on in life when Sarah was struggling about a decision to step away from a teaching role, she took a walk through a forested area to think. As she crunched through Highgate Woods on an autumn day, she thought about the dry leaves underfoot and how beautifully nature handles cycles of starting and ending. She took this as inspiration for how she might approach her personal challenge. As Sarah speaks — and sings! — about in her fanastic TEDx talk, the “leaves don’t ask permission to fall down”.
“Are you being honest with yourself about the things in your life? Because it’s quite likely that, as you evolve as a human. And as the world changes, that you are going to change what you need and what you want, so I think quitting is inevitable. So really, it’s like, how do we then love the process of quitting?”
The Quitting Quadrant
As part of her work as a coach and creator of the Knowing When To Quit podcast, Sarah spends a lot of time talking to people who’ve quit, are quitting, or considering quitting. This work eventually led her to create a tool called the Quitting Quadrant, which is a way of getting beyond the black and white thinking of “quit vs. stay”. She contends that finding the right fit in a work, project, or even relationship is a matter of continuously shifting interest and discomfort over time.
For example, if you are involved in something that you find very interesting, but it isn’t particularly enjoyable, you may burn out. In that case, you might need to explore how you can make it more fun. On the other hand, if you are participating in something uninteresting but easy, you might end up feeling apathetic and unengaged, which might just signal that you need to sniff around for something a bit more interesting or perhaps push yourself to get out of your comfort zone.
All that to say, that quitting is not a choice of last resort. It is on the table as an option. However, when we allow space of discernment around quitting or ending to be an invitation to ask ourselves some hard questions, we may discover there is a bigger menu to choose from!